To: putinsboytoy69@MAGA.com
From: jcomey@fbi.gov
Date: 10/28/16
Subject: Operation Swift Boat Hillary

Dear Mr. Trump,

Relax, you're golden. I'm about to hand you the presidency on a silver platter. I'm releasing a statement to stir things up re: Hillary's emails again, even though it has nothing to do with her emails. Just try not to sexually assault anyone else between now and November 8 and the White House is yours. All glory to Mother Russia! MAGA!

Your faithful servant,

James Comey